I'm an Alcoholic but afraid to go to AA ?

I'm 25 years old. And have been drinking on a regular basis for almost 6 years. ABout 3-4 drinks a day. Mostly beer. I lie to myself by saying i'm not an alcoholic because i don't ever get truly drunk and am very awaye of my surroundings. But lately I think i've been suffering from depression. I get scared now because when I don't feel right in any way - the first thing i do is run to buy beer. I find a reason to drink for anything ! I get really sad sometimes when i drink but feel like I can't think or function unless I have a few drinks in my system...I feel relaxed..and lately some people at work that i barely know make jokes about my drinkin..I'm afraid to go to AA meetings because i get very nervous when I have to make speeches..I need help and sometimes feel like crying when I picture myself living a sober life...I'm afraid people i know will make fun of me or catch me going to AA meetings..especially my family! can anyone help ?